Do you still have your period?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
