Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
