Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
