Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
