Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
