I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
