ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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