There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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