Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
