So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
