after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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