he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
