How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
