yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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