do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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