I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
