i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
