worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
