I faked an abortion last night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
