your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
