My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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