sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
