Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
