Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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