fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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