I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
