You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
MIDGETS
????
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
