Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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