It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
