'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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