Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
