dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
