He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
