The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
