Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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