Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
