im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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