where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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