The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
