Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
