I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
