That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
