Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
