her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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