friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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