In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
