Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
