What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
