Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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