all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
