I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
