My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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